The meaning of the communication is the response it elicits

What is communication?

One could quite simply say that communication is the exchange of information between two points. Although this definition may work in some contexts it ignores the complexities of interpersonal relationships. Perhaps a better definition in this context would be any behavior on the part of one person that has an effect on the current or future behavior of another person.

You cannot not communicate

Have you ever watched a news broadcast where some celebrity, political figure or corporate entity has refused to comment on a current news story in which they are involved. Depending on context this lack of communication may be perceived as failure to take responsibility for their actions or an admission of guilt.

We have no choice but to communicate, by not replying to messages or refusing to take part in a discussion, whether that be in your personal or business life, you are still communicating a message. When you don’t say yes, that could be perceived as no by default and vice versa. The only choice we have with regards to communication is how effective we want our communication to be.

Effective Communication

To be an effective communicator one must first recognise that we all experience the world through our five senses and use these experiences in conjunction with our values and beliefs to build an internal representation of the external world, a map. Another persons map may be different to yours based on their life experiences, values and beliefs. When we communicate, we do so based on our subjective maps.

If I were to say to you in conversation that "Burger King tastes better than MacDonald's", I would have communicated something about my preference, my subjective experience. This statement could meet with approval or disapproval depending on whether our individually created mental maps regarding burgers were in sync or otherwise. Note that the statement says nothing about either MacDonald's or Burger King.

What is the meaning of communication?

Does the meaning of a communication lie in what we intend to convey? Or how it is perceived? NLP places emphasis on the later and takes into account the effect the communication has on the behavior of another person. This is equally true whether we are communicating face-to-face, over the phone, over the boardroom table, by email, or in writing. The meaning of the communication is the response it elicits.

Therefore, the meaning of our communication is not what we think it means, rather, its in the response we get from the other person. As a result, we can become better communicators if we construct communications that elicit the response we desire from others.

• you can change your communication until your desired results are obtained
• the person with most flexibility of behavior can control the outcome of the interaction
• the resistance you get is a comment about your inflexibility as communicator
• if what you are doing is not working, do something different.

The meaning of the communication is the response it elicits and other NLP Presuppositions form part of our NLP Practitioner Training Course.